A rough thought on Hell

It's been awhile since I've posted. I have so many topics that I have been compelled to write about the last several months, but have just failed to do so. Hopefully I can play catch up this week. This topic is foremost on my mind since I woke up terrified and could not stop the engulfing fear.

Last night I experienced my first true nightmare. Those who know me well might say, "But what about...", this was truly just a dream, unlike those terrifying encounters I have experienced in the past. If you don't know and you're curious what I'm talking about, than please, let's talk in person as this isn't the subject of what's on my mind. Anyway, in this truly ungodly nightmare, I woke up with captivating, emotional fear for my dearest loved ones that don't truly have God as their Lord and Savior. I didn't dream about Hell, but I woke up with a more enlightened sense of what Hell must be like.

There are some horrific, unspeakable things that happen here, on Earth. Please, for the full persuasion I'm trying to have, consider this thought with your soul. These things happen on Earth where God's mercy is still present. On Earth, where seriously, God Himself, still allows good things to happen. Where he still allows rain to fall on the fallen people. Where He allows anything that has slightly warmed your heart to happen. Do you realize that all good things are gifts from above? (James 1:17 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.) Hell is separation from the Self-Sufficient, Self-Limiting, Personal and GOOD God. His mercy will be gone. His peace will be gone. His forgiveness will be gone. His grace will be gone. His HOPE will be gone. HOPE. LOVE. JOY. Forever. Which side do you fall on? Having God's blessings forever? or a Hopeless existence forever?

thefreedictionary.com says that this is hope:

v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes

v.intr.

1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

v.tr.

1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.

2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.

n.

1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.

3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.

4. often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.

5. Archaic Trust; confidence.

I personally know that the feeling of hopelessness for me, brings on depression. What does it bring on to you? Do you remember how horrible that state of being was or currently is? Well, just think. You experienced that in a place where God's grace and presence still abounds...

Hell is a place where God is not.
Matthew 8:12 - But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Yuck. This makes my stomach turn. I cannot imagine this as a permanent state of living for an eternal future.

I don't know who may read this. AND my intentions are not to 'scare you to God' if you don't know God personally, the way He intends. BUT I do want to be informative AND this should be more than enough to motivate my brothers and sisters in Christ and me to get over our fears of rejection and share the wonderful truths we have. We say we believe in God and the Bible, this is a desperate situation. Why are we acting as though we don't believe?

I am so open to any comments or questions.

EDIT: my son woke up so i'm not going to proof until tonight. But Jesus is the Son of God and lived a sinless life and sacrificed his life for ours... He is my Lord and Savior.

The Solitude of God

This is something new God has revealed to me about Himself. The solitude of God, the self fulfilling being that He is. For an EVERLASTING (EVERLASTING!) amount of time there was God and only God. He did not need anything else to fulfill him ONLY Himself. He is self-existent, complete, content, HOLY. All of this before we came around (were created by God). We do not add a single drop of glory to him. He is set apart and so completely holy that He has Angels that cover their faces before Him and sing "HOLY HOLY HOLY is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." (Rev 4:8) . Even right now as you read this. And we come before Him. Not only that but we come before him with such a lack of reverence. Yes, God is personable but He is OTHER as well. The ground we stand on is holy. Take off your shoes (rid yourself of your impurities, sins). God is a (the) God that we should not mess with or take lightly.

Exodus 19:10 - 22
And the LORD said to Moses, "Go to the people and consecrate them today and tomorrow. Have them wash their clothes and be ready by the third day, because on that day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people. Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. He shall surely be stoned or shot with arrows; not a hand is to be laid on him. Whether man or animal, he shall not be permitted to live.' Only when the ram's horn sounds a long blast may they go up to the mountain. After Moses had gone down the mountain to the people, he consecrated them, and they washed their clothes. Then he said to the people, "Prepare yourselves for the third day. Abstain from sexual relations." On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like a smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain trembled violently, and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him. The LORD descended to the top of Mount Sinai and called Moses to the top of the mountain. So Moses went up and the LORD said to him, "Go down and warn the people so they do not force their way through to see the LORD and many of them perish. Even the priests, who approach the LORD, must consecrate themselves, or the LORD will break out against them."

My God is Holy.

Happy Birthday Brody!

I would like to share my story of how Brody came into being. He will be 1 on Saturday and this blows my mind! Hopefully this will remind you, as it does me, that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first-fruits of all he created." (James 1:17-18)

It all began well over 2 to 3 years ago when our closest friends were ready for the next phase of life: Kids. Jeff and I were not quite there. In fact, we were quite adamant about not going there any time soon. Life was good, but also, in retrospect, predictable, somewhat mundane and I was becoming sad that all my friends were experiencing a new way of life together without me.

It was Jan 17, 2007 and the roads were slick with ice. Jeff was out of town on business and I was headed home from work. I stopped by the CVS on 150th & Western to pick up the monthly pregnancy test. Checking out, the cashier said, "Good Luck" and I laughed within thinking she had no clue that I was hoping and expecting a negative, like always. But it provoked a thought I'd rarely had, "mmm, what if..." and it somewhat excited me.

Fast forward an hour. I finished eating my whatever-I-could-find-in-the-fridge-and-stuff-in-my-mouth after work snack and began picking up the house. I went in the bathroom to routinely throw away the test and as it fell into the trashcan I realized it was positive. OH MY GOD! WHAT?!!!! My next few reactions and thoughts were far from lovely.

I share all of this because I can now see God's beautiful hand on this whole situation. I can now see where He began to make plans for Brody's perfect entrance into this world more than 6 years ago when Jeff and I married. Although it was unexpected to Jeff and me, it just validates how incredibly "planned" for lack of a better word Brody was to the great Creator of us all. Let me explain.

(6 years ago) Jeff and I were at the courthouse about to get our blood taken so we could get our marriage license. It took 2 nurses and Jeff to hold me down as I whaled like a metal patient. My fear of needles, once again, got the best of me. After, a random lady in the public bathroom asked if I was okay. I explained what just happened and she told me I would NEVER be able to have children if that was how I acted after getting my blood drawn. Her comment stuck with me.

OK, now fast forward to sometime in mid 2006. My mom and I were sitting at her table and God began to use her to touch my heart. She told me Satan had a strong hold on me with my fear of needles. And that it would be a grave situation if it kept me from God's blessing. (By the way, several weeks later my mom told me she never intended to say those words to me and they just came out. She said she listened to herself speaking and knew it was true, but that those were not her words.) The thought of Satan having a strong hold on me infuriated me. The next day I made an appointment to have all the immunizations I lacked, which was everything. The last time I had a shot was in 6th grade, no joke. By the way, did you know it is pretty much vital for a woman to be up to date on her MMR before she gets pregnant? Doctors do not recommend pregnancy until a woman has this shot and it must be at least several months before conceiving. It could take the baby's life if the mom got sick with one of those diseases during pregnancy. That was one of the immunizations I was lacking. Besides being immunized, I overcame my fear of needles, through scripture, prayer and God's grace! Which this is a whole story in itself...

Also, several months before Jeff and I got married I got on birth control. Immediately I began to get Iritis in my left eye. It's somewhat like Glaucoma where it increases the pressure in your eye and can lead to blindness. Iritis is usually a side effect of something more serious going on with your health. I was tested for everything, Lupus, TB... everything kept coming back normal. No clue it was being caused by my birth control. No clue until 7 months prior to Brody being conceived when we started using alternate birth control methods. Now I know that with God's timing we still would have gotten pregnant on the 99.9% effective method but I also know that having to switch to a method that was only 80 - 90% effective allowed me to see how sovereign God is and how much He wants me to experience life through him!

I could keep going on with events like these but I'll keep them to myself and treasure them. I can look back on good and rough situations and see how they lead to Brody. The one thing that I love the most is that not only did God give me such a wonderful present it was also a surprise! I LOVE this because I've never had a surprise party and I never get surprise because-I-love-you presents, as most people don't, but I got one from God!

My favorite moments of this first year with Brody come at night when I rock him to sleep and gaze upon his beautiful face. The love I have for that boy is unexplainable. But it is also nothing in comparison with the love of God. WOW. God is truly love. I could/would never sacrifice my only son for anyone, especially when they are still my enemies. Thank you Sweet Father for who you are and the blessings of knowing you.

Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. This is so true. Here is a poem I wrote after putting Brody to sleep back in April.

Precious wonder as my fingers grace over your perfect shaped lips and beautiful face
Did God really choose me to place you under His wings?
My heart swells and with this new love it sings
My prayer is that a great warrior you’ll be,
In His kingdom,
May His desires be all that you seek
To think I’m a mother and you are my child;
Sweet baby, this passion will grow you up well

Some of my sweet friends are being molded and refined into beings that reflect God right now. Some trials harsher than others. One in particular is glowing God's presence in such a dark moment. Today I literally looked at her and saw the treasures she is collecting in Heaven. She might disagree, but God's glory was absolutely on her. Her words she spoke were so fragrant with faith, truth, and pain that it circled her giving a supernatural... She might not FEEL connected with God right now...but what I'm learning is that faith is believing what you know about God and saying it and believing its truth even though emotionally you are not on the same level. Its hoping (knowing eventually it will happen), hoping that the rest of you will catch up with the truth you're speaking. Her 'trial' is not wasted because He has already been glorified through her situation by her actions. She protected that life from being lived in vain because, I believe, her faith must be pleasing to God, even if she does not realize it.

random thoughts part 1

I recently have found myself daydreaming about life in the New Jerusalem. It's not because I'm tired or displeased with life right now; its more because everyday that I learn more about our fantastic Elohim (Creator, Mighty, Strong, 3 or more), El Elyon (God Most High-the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe), El Shaddai (the All-Sufficient One), Adonai (Lord and Master), Jehovah-jireh (The Lord will provide), Jehovah rapha (The Lord who heals), Jehoval Shaloam (The Lord is peace) the more I can't wait to be dwelling in His presence in the same form of being as He. BTW, did you know all those names I listed are names that God gave himself and revealed throughout the Old Testament, mostly in Genesis? I think that's pretty amazing. Each time our Bible says: LORD (in caps) or Lord GOD it is a reference to one of these names or other names that I didn't list which each has a specific meaning indicating an emphasis on one of his flawless character traits. I think its sad that English can't translate these words well, because how much are we missing out on knowing about him? Psalm 20:7 says Some boast in chariots and some in horses, but we will boast in the name of the Lord, our God. Psalm 9:10 says And those who know your name will put their trust in You, for You, O LORD have not forsaken those who seek you. I plan on doing a study on all the names God gave himself because this is wildly fascinating to me right now. And I feel somewhat cheated that I didn't know any of this until now. I mean God is my BFF and I don't even know what he calls himself?! Anyway, back to the New Jerusalem thought I was having... I bring this up because I find myself constantly being zealous about spiritual things and then the very next moment, before I know it, falling flat on my face sinning. UGH! It drives me insane! I can't wait to be in a place that knows no sin! Also, to continually experience God's glory. You know how some times when you're praying fervently and then the next moment you're thinking about dinner... how awesome will it be to not have that whatever (can't think of the word I want to use) in our nature?! I LOVE that there will be no temple in the city because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple (reference to Rev 21:22) and that "The city does not need the sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp" (Rev 21:23)!! To look outside and know that the source in which you are able to see if GOD HIMSELF is freakin' awesome!!

Anyway, this lady (named Angela) said that (I can't remember specifically how she worded it) she is going to be tripping, falling flat all the way to Heaven! But she doesn't care because she'll finally have made it! I love that! I am so there. That'll be me too, walking threw the doors before his throne tripping over nothing and stumbling over my own feet! :) Thank You God that you still want to take my ashes and give me a beautiful crown! (Read Isaiah 61) and THANK YOU GOD for the truth in Romans! Romans 8:1-2 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

ahh, I have so many random thoughts I want to share but don't have time to figure out how to make them work together, so part 2 will come soon.

Here are some more names of God:
Jehovah Tsidkenu, the Lord our Righteousness
Jehovah Shammah, the Lord is There
Jehovah-Sabaoth, the Lord of Hosts
Jehovah-Mekoddishkem, the Lord sanctifies you

Much Love!

Judge me.

I'm beginning to understand what 'judging others' truly is and means. I've always tried not to pass judgment, but really if I'm honest, that meant (to me) not talking trash on someone for doing something I knew was inappropriate AND not telling them that their actions are displeasing to God. But now I think the act of judging really comes down to an attitude of "Oh my gosh I can't believe they did that" and allowing myself to think "I would never do that/ I am so above that". No one is above anything. Everything good is simply sustained by God's grace. The problem with my old theory on 'what is judging' is it does not lead back to the Gospel and the Cross. It allows confusion to creep in and blur the lines of what God wants and expects from his children and why we all need a savior. The only resolution was not saying anything and allowing the person to believe you're ok with their choice because you're not going to judge them for it. See what I'm saying?

It is not ok to commit adultery, lie, gossip, be under influences, cheat, steal, murder, be lazy, live in idolatry, homosexuality, greed, envy, jealously, unrighteous anger, and on-and-on, (which everyone does something that is sinful and inappropriate in God's eyes ) Saying this out loud and believing it is not being judgmental or hypocritical; believing that you don't do anything wrong- or what you do isn't AS BAD- and treating others poorly because of what they do IS. Here's the good news: Jesus Christ died as a penalty and ransom for the sins we commit against God! And we have protection in Him from eternal death which we deserve! Without knowing what you are doing is wrong (which sometimes it does takes another person to point this out), how is the bold-ed statement above supposed to mean anything to anyone?

Some people say it's pretty elite that there is only one way to get to Heaven. But I say thank God that there is a way, at all, to get to Heaven! Imagine it like this: you have dirty dishes sitting in dirty dish water for days maybe weeks. It smells and is sick for all senses. The water is dark and stale. You know that when you reach in to pull the plug it will be cold and greasy and makes you disgusted to think about or maybe even gives you chills. Or imagine a clogged toilet, yuck. To an extent this is what God did for us! He pulled up his sleeve and reached into our filthy world to clean it up!

Just like it takes oxygen to fill our lungs and keep us alive, it takes Jesus to give us eternal life. You might think that just being religious or good is good enough to give eternal life but the fact is breathing is not what it takes. If you're breathing anything other than air, you're suffocating. Anything other than Jesus is just water. Try breathing in that! You have to have the real thing to keep you alive.